Model T to Lamborghini: Today’s way of dodging emotions 

vfunerals • Nov 16, 2016
A leaf with a quote on it that says when i say i 'm doing okay

Emotions and feelings -some wear them on their sleeves and communicate how they are feeling while others run as fast they can away from any type of uncomfortable feelings or from communicating about it.

This is so true!  I am one of the runners.  I believe that for me it was due to not having a parents or supportive environment to show me or talk about the importance of dealing with emotions.  I was raised by foster parents and guardians where I was to be seen but never heard.  No one ever asked me to share how I felt and I didn’t want to trouble them with my problems.  I dealt with emotions by keep them locked up deep inside.  My thought was that I would try to forget the emotion or feeling and deal with it later.  My way to deal with emotions and feelings as a kid and a young adult was to play basketball – I mean hours and hours of shooting basketballs by myself.  As I got older, graduated college, established a career, got married and had children I did not have time to spend hours and hours shooting hoops to work through my emotions or feelings anymore.  Not having a way to dealing with emotions can lead into ways of coping that are not healthy.

I admire people who can say how they feel.  It is a great honor for me when someone shares their feelings with me.  Sometimes just having someone there to listen is all they need to make them feel better.  Although I am not good with communicating how I feel, it has made me a better listener and has helped me learn to help others with emotions and feelings as they work through the grieving process.  We learn something from everyone we meet whether we recognize it at the time or not.

Every family I meet with will tell me stories about the kind of person their loved one was. Taking the time to enjoy listening to these stories provides me, as a funeral director, the ability provide a more personalized, one of kind service for the family.  These personalized services will make us cry and sometimes laugh.  If you can help a family and friends attend a service and let them cry, laugh and feel a range of emotions it can help with the acceptance of the death and coping with the grief.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  There is no time-frame to follow.  What is important is that we recognize that grief is a natural response to loss and our journey is our own. The journey may start with creating a personal tribute to the person we’ve lost to honor the life he or she lived. Knowing, as community members, friends, family, and other loved ones arrive to share in the tribute to his or her memory, that we are truly not alone in our grief.  It is shared by those who love us and who loved our loved one.

Finding support is important in a time of grief.  Whether it is with a family member, friend, therapist or minister take time to communicate your feelings and work though the process of healing.  Time may not heal all wounds, but it can make it less intense.

 

 

A close up of a person 's hands out.

Religion/Faith/Beliefs: The Decline in Funeral Services

By vfunerals • 30 Nov, 2016
I do believe that every person has a right to whatever is best for them concerning religion, faith or beliefs. Or, whatever keeps them moving forward through this life. I hope not to offend anyone with topic. Keep reading and you will know why I thought about this subject.
There are many different types of plants on the table.

Holiday Grief

By vfunerals • 28 Nov, 2016
Grief and any feelings of loss about someone we love is the toughest during the holiday season. Grief and the grieving process are different for every individual. Here are some helpful suggestions that may just help you get through the holidays and may help you move forward in the grieving process of Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
A group of people are standing in a church hugging each other.

CHANGE: Personalized or Old Fashioned Service  

By vfunerals • 16 Nov, 2016
Some funerals are just the typical “old fashioned” service – nothing fancy. Many times families are not offered different options or ways of making a service memorable or the funeral home just does not want to change the way they typically handle services. Sometimes during the service we are attending we don’t hear personal stories about who we are there to respect.
A pen is sitting on top of a notebook on a wooden table.

Stories of a Funeral Director- Story 2

By vfunerals • 11 Nov, 2016
 I believe strongly in the power of laughter. I have been through a lot in my life, like most of us, but it has been my sense of humor that has kept me sane.
A cemetery with graves in the grass in front of a building.

The Shell of a Life

By vfunerals • 10 Nov, 2016
The Ancient Romans held that the soul of man, although separated at death from the body, hovered around the place of burial for its continued peace and happiness, and required constant attention from the descendants in the form of offerings of food and drink. Should the offerings be discontinued, the Romans thought that the soul would cease to be happy, and even become a spirit of evil to bring harm upon those who had neglected the proper rites. This is from the book, “The History Of American Funeral Directing”.
A close up of an american flag waving in the wind

HOW TO FOLD AND MEANING OF FOLDS OF AMERICAN FLAG

By vfunerals • 07 Nov, 2016
I believe the American Flag is absolutely beautiful.
A urn is sitting on a table next to candles.

Cremation and Families Options 

By vfunerals • 01 Nov, 2016
Cremation has been on the rise for many years. Some families choose cremation because of cost and some because family can not get together to have a service for their loved one right away due to living in another state or country. Cremation can take place and then the family chooses a time to get together for a service and burial at a later date.
A pen is sitting on top of a notebook on a wooden table.

Stories of Funeral Director- Story 1

By vfunerals • 25 Oct, 2016
There are so many stories and things that have happened at funerals. Some are funny and inspirational and others sad and depressing. But, let start story #1 with a funny story.
A trumpet is sitting on top of an american flag.

HONORING A VETERAN- THE STORY of TAPS

By vfunerals • 25 Oct, 2016
It is still amazing to me even after 20 years of conducting funerals for veterans how the playing of TAPS still gets me choked up. How can a song have such a effect to honor a deceased veteran? As TAPS is played at Veteran’s funeral, if you don’t get choked up, then that is very sad. I have seen medals received by veteran’s that the families bring to funeral home, sometimes if medal is still in the box, there is a description of why and how this medal was earned. Absolute amazement what some Veterans did and survived for their fellow comrades and the country.
A wooden bench is sitting under a tree in a park.

Death, Grief and a Funeral Director

By vfunerals • 21 Oct, 2016
Death and grief can be traumatic and life altering. Death of a loved one and how we cope with it is important. The grief process can only start with viewing and being able to face the reality that a person we loved is not coming back to us. Every single person handles grief in a different way. I strive for a individual or a family to a have a chance to see a loved one and start the process of moving forward after a death by saying “goodbye” and facing the reality that the death has happened. As a funeral director, I believe my three main goals are: to use as much time as it takes to make a viewing of their deceased loved one the best it can be; to make the service as personalized in rememberance of the deceased and for the family; and to get a family or an individual moving forward in the grieving process.
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